Just in Time for Halloween: Your Nightmare Donor

    Early in my fundraising career, I worked closely with a donor whom I shall call Matilda (because it’s a fun name to type). Well into her 70’s, Matilda was a generous annual fund donor and had made it known that our organization was named in her will. Matilda also volunteered in our offices on a weekly basis. She made my life a living nightmare.

    Matilda ‘counseled’ me in weekly closed-door sessions. Uninvited, she would warn me about how the development department and indeed the entire institution was being horribly mismanaged. We were running it all into the ground! She constantly threatened to pull the organization out of her will.

    One day, we received an enormous check (and I really mean ENORMOUS) from a foundation that I had solicited. That same day, by coincidence, Matilda had been particularly scathing. I spent my entire commute home fuming about Matilda instead of celebrating the day’s incredible fundraising success. I’ve since developed better coping skills, but it still makes me angry that the wind was so totally taken out of my sails that day.

    Sound familiar? In retrospect, I should have asked for and been given a little help. I was a young fundraiser and Matilda was bending my ear because she knew she could get away with it. She wasn’t in the vice president’s office wasting time and burning bridges! She was in my office, purposely wielding power over the powerless.

    However, it’s not entirely unusual for this kind of bullying behavior to affect the higher echelons of a nonprofit. Money talks. We need it desperately. It’s frightening how easily opportunities for “donor bad behavior” arise. There is a spectrum of poor behavior that starts with the mildly irritating (which, in truth, was where Matilda’s behavior fell) to full-blown abuse of staff, mission and/or board.

    There is a delicate balance to be found between donor and nonprofit interests. I believe the most reliable way to find it is to create an organizational culture grounded in mutual respect; a culture that diffuses the power dynamic. How? Here are just a few thoughts:

    The mission should hold the power. Make sure your mission and values statements are up-to-date, understood and, frankly, beloved by your board, staff and donors.

    Articulate clear expectations about how staff and board communications will be conducted. If you’re “talking nice” on the inside, you’ll be less likely to allow negative or aggressive behavior from others. Pay special attention to training junior staff. They deserve respect and should be taught how to deal with donors. Role plays are particularly helpful.

    Be willing to have difficult conversations. There’s nothing like looking someone in the eye and having an honest exchange to diffuse tension and resentment.

    Shore each other up. Whether you’re the executive director, board chair, or a junior fundraiser, your ability to cope with difficult donors will be aided by collaborating with others in your organization. And, it’s best to have a structured, perhaps even policy-driven, response to difficult donor situations. You want to take the personal out of it.

    Be prepared to let the money go! Yes, I’m serious. If the mission, integrity or health of your organization are truly at stake, walk away from the gift.

    One more very important thing. All the psychology and organizational culture in the world won’t make up for a lack of supporting policies. Here’s my closing Halloween thought….a gift acceptance policy is to difficult donors, as garlic is to vampires.

    A gift acceptance policy provides board-approved guidelines on the types of gifts an organization will or will not accept and how donors will be recognized. Have one in place!!! We’ll be posting a blog on gift acceptance policies in November…just in time for the holiday giving season.

     


    2 Comments

    • Kathy Pollicita, October 27th, 2011 on 8:09 am

      Great article. Frasier redid our gift acceptance policies after reviewing a sample from The Denver Foundation. The policy is long and detailed but it covers a number of situations so we know what to do. Anne, thanks again for your thoughtful observations.

    • Blair Young, October 31st, 2011 on 9:05 am

      Thanks for this great reflection Ann! Through sharing your own experiences growing as a fund raiser you have become an important mentor to me. Boulder County is lucky to have you as part of its non-profit community.

    Leave a Reply